~ The Wimped-out Wimp ~

Wow...I must apologize to anybody who actually reads this...I completely forgot about my blog lately!! Sorry =(

Okay, so I am self-declaring myself as a "wimped-out wimp"...what is that do you ask? I am a wimp who is tired of being a wimp! Praise GOD!! HE has been so gracious to me. HE has transformed my very inner being...and let me tell you, it might have happened very quickly, but HE has working on me for about 15 years up to the climax point. You may know that I have been plagued with fear throughout my life. Maybe it's just my perception of others, but I do believe that in the past, I have been more crippled and controlled by my fears than the majority of people...but I could be wrong. In any case, after a series of events occurred and culminated last term (ask in person), GOD went "BAM!" and gave me absolutely no choice but face all the fears I've been running from my whole life all at once. It made me understand that following verse:

Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them.
~Jeremiah 1:17

Did GOD ever terrify me!! But it worked, and from the inside out, God began to liberate me from the prison I had created for myself. For the first time in my life, I began to experience a new part of the freedom that God offers to His children, bought with the blood of Jesus.

Flash forward: I went to see the movie "Ju-on: The Grudge" last weekend...a friend of mine really wanted to see it, so I went along to the cheapie theatre. I shouldn't have! I've never been so scared by a movie! When I get scared, I tremble. When we walked out to my car in the cold night, I was shaking in my boots, wondering how I could possibly drive. I went for a scare, and a scare is certainly what I got! The first night was full of nightmares. I woke up very early in the morning and fell back asleep, to get lost in another round of restless sleep. I was running...running away...as usual, yes, run...that's what I always do in dreams....run, run...but wait, I'm tired of running...tired of being afraid. I was in an old sort of castle and spun around in my dream on my predator. Again I ran...but this time, I ran right at it! I ran it straight out of the room, down the stairs, out of sight!

Why am I telling you about a silly dream? Because I want to share with you God's amazing power...his power of transformation, to change a person even to the level of their subconscious...of their very nature. You see, I have never in my dreaming life confronted an enemy. All of those sleepless childhood years I spent running away. I believe that the dreams of the subconscious are a window allowing a person to see into their own psychie. And what I saw in this dream was a changed person...a person who handed in their running shoes to God and told Him to never give them back.

May you also experience the wonderful liberation from your own prisons, whether they be fear, doubt, guilt, anger, hate, bitterness...you name it! God WILL change you...sooner or later, with or without your cooperation. I suggest you cooperate, or HE will terrify you, like He did to me!!

~ A Thanksgiving to Remember ~

This year was the very first year I have spent a Thanksgiving dinner anywhere other than my parents house. This year, the roles were reversed, with my parents guests in my humble abode...well, almost reversed (Dad still did the cooking!). Dinner was delicious, with Dad having prepared the turkey ahead of time due to the fact that I have a square foot of counter space.

Besides my parents and myself, a family friend (Jonas)and my neighbour from across the hall (Jim) also joined us. It was quite a tricky maneuver fitting us all together to eat. My kitchen table only really fits two people, though we squish three there whenever Mom and Dad are down. So, three sat at the normal table, and Mom and I sat at a lower table pulled up alongside the taller one...a little less than formal, but we all ate to our hearts content. Also, the camping chairs Mom and I sat in were at the level of the low table, so it was a little bit less awkward.

As "ghetto" as this may sound, I must say that I couldn't have been happier. Really, considering when I got the apartment I had no furniture at all, it is amazing what can be pulled together. God has blessed me with such great parents and family friends who all came through for me, lending me anything from a kettle to a television, to a teapot, to a bookcase, to a kitchen table, to a desk. As expensive as this term has been, I must say that I have most definitely been getting my money's worth, with ample place to house Mom and Dad on weekends and an opportunity to fine-tune (or create =P ) my cooking skills.

Anyways, I guess this blog is a lot of fluff...nothing "profound". But as I reflect of what God has provided me this Thanksgiving, it is plain to me that small miracles are happening all the time...I just need to slow down long enough to notice.

May you slow down long enough to notice the "God-things" around you!

~Writing: A self-indulgent practice?~

Now that I have your attention (I hope), I should revise the title of this entry to "Writing Fiction: A self-indulgent practice?"

When I was growing up, I was a very focused person. When I set my mind on something, I would sit down and toil away until it was complete. No snack breaks. No checking email...it did not exist as of yet...that's probably why. No starting upon other endeavors. I have already shared my thoughts about novelty in general. I am a lover of novelty. I thrive in novelty. Sometimes that can be a great attribute, but more than often, it only adds up to a bunch of unfinished business, which can be dangerous, especially when it comes to ministry.

On that note, I have a lot of "unfinished business" floating around. I have lyrics and melody riffs scribbled here and there, awaiting the next rainy day when I am television deprived and am inspired enough to pick it up again. I have Japanese books and Mandarin books and French books and European phrase books. As Lue would say, I am "a jack of all trades but a master of none!" I have a novel I've been writing for two years, left dormant on my hard-drive, only to be pushed aside by a new story that has been occupying my free time.

I believe that writing has a lot of pros. For one thing, I enjoy it immensely. If we didn't have writers, we couldn't gobble up all the knowledge, sorting the good and the bad, like we do. A good book makes you think. Writing a book lets you escape into a world all your own.

Sometimes I wonder though...is it selfish of me to spend my energies on a book that will most likely never be published? After all, I'm a science major, semi-retired musician, passionate about languages who likes to write when convenient on co-op terms! But even if my subject matter and my intentions are glorifying to God, is my time better spent actively serving other people rather than getting home to my apartment and creatively spinning up a tale?

I suppose everything comes down to balance. For now, I will continue to add to the pages and attend my weekly commitments, but I will continue to ponder this question of "beneficial time offering".